Why "You Only Have 18 Summers With Your Kids" Is BS (And What to Focus on Instead)

Every summer, the same message starts circulating:

"You only have 18 summers with your kids." (so make it count, make it MAGICAL)

And every year, thousands of mothers feel that familiar knot in their stomach.

Pressure.

Guilt.

The feeling that somehow they are already falling behind. That they should be making every day magical.

• Creating core memories.

• Booking the perfect holiday.

• Being fully present every second.

• Enjoying every moment.

And honestly? I think it's bullshit.

Not because I don't understand the intention behind it.

I do.

I can imagine the message is trying to remind us that childhood is precious. That time moves quickly. That these moments matter.

But there is a huge difference between a message's intention and how it actually lands.

And for many mothers, it doesn't land as inspiration.

It lands as pressure.

The Problem With "18 Summers"

The message creates a sense of scarcity.

A countdown.

A clock ticking above your head reminding you that you'd better make every summer count because you're running out of time.

But let's be honest for a second.

I'm much older than 18. And I still spend time with my parents. We still go on holidays together sometimes. We still create memories together. We still laugh together.

If you're raising your children with love, connection, and respect, hopefully your relationship doesn't suddenly expire after Summer Number 18.

The goal isn't to survive until your child turns 18 and then disappear from each other's lives.

The goal is to build a relationship that continues long after childhood.

So can we stop acting like motherhood comes with an expiration date?

Why This Message Feels rather Heavy

The real issue isn't just that the message isn't true.

It's that it makes mothers feel guilty for having a normal human experience.

• Because what if summer isn't magical right now?

• What if you're a working mother trying to figure out how to cover ten weeks of school holidays with five weeks of annual leave?

• What if you're home with a baby who won't sleep?

• What if you're parenting a toddler who has decided sunscreen is a personal attack?

• What if you're juggling multiple kids with completely different needs?

• What if you're already overwhelmed before summer even starts?

Suddenly, "You only have 18 summers" doesn't feel inspiring.

It feels like one more thing you're failing at.

One more reminder that you should be enjoying this more.

One more reason to believe you're not doing enough.

Motherhood Was Never Meant To Be Perfect (nor life, nor the holidays)

One of the biggest shifts I teach mothers is this:

Motherhood is 50/50.

There are beautiful moments - And there are difficult moments

There is joy - And there is frustration.

There is gratitude - And there is exhaustion.

The same is true for summer.

Some days will be magical.

Some days you'll be eating watermelon in the garden while your children laugh and play.

Other days you'll be counting down until bedtime.

Both experiences are normal. Both experiences are valid.

You don't need to force yourself to enjoy every second in order to be grateful for your children.

The Part Nobody Talks About

What bothers me most about the "18 summers" message is that it subtly suggests that summer is supposed to be entirely about the kids.

That your job is to dedicate 100% of your energy, attention, and focus to creating the perfect experience for them.

But what about you?

Why does nobody talk about the fact that these are your summers too?

Your life didn't stop when you became a mother. Your needs didn't disappear. Your personality didn't disappear. Your desire to rest, enjoy yourself, recharge, have fun, and feel like a human being still matters.

And yet so many mothers plan holidays as if they don't exist.

As if the only question is:

"What would be best for the children?"

Instead of:

"What would work for all of us?"

You Are Allowed To Include Yourself

I recently worked with a mother who had been considering hiring a babysitter.

She desperately needed support. She desperately needed a break.But as summer approached, she started questioning herself.

"Maybe now isn't the right time."

"We're travelling."

"We'll be spending more time together."

"I should probably just wait."

But when we explored it more deeply, she realized something important:

Summer didn't magically eliminate her need for support. She still deserved help. She still deserved time to herself. She still deserved space to recharge. And once she made that decision, she felt lighter.

Freer.

More present.

Not because she was spending every second with her children.

But because she wasn't drowning anymore.

I have another friend who intentionally booked a resort with an amazing kids' club.

Not because she doesn't love her children. Because she does.

But she also loves her marriage. She loves feeling rested.

She loves having a conversation with her partner that isn't interrupted every 12 seconds.

And you know what?

That doesn't make her selfish.

It makes her human.

What If Summer Didn't Have To Be Perfect?

What if you stopped trying to create the perfect summer?

What if you stopped measuring yourself against Instagram memories, Pinterest activities, and guilt-inducing motherhood quotes?

What if you let summer be real?

• Maybe that means a family holiday.

• Maybe it means staying home.

• Maybe it means grandparents helping.

• Maybe it means a babysitter.

• Maybe it means a kids' club.

• Maybe it means ordering pizza and eating it in the garden.

• Maybe it means lowering your expectations and protecting your sanity.

The goal isn't to sacrifice yourself.

The goal is to create a sustainable motherhood.

A Different Question To Ask Yourself

Instead of asking:

"How do I make the most of these 18 summers?"

Try asking:

"How do I want to experience this summer?"

• Without the guilt.

• Without the pressure.

• Without the countdown.

• Without trying to prove you're a good mother.

Because you already are. You ARE a good enough mother.

Your children do not need a perfect summer.

They need a mother who is allowed to exist inside her own life. A mother whose needs matter too. A mother who understands that she is not just creating childhood memories for her children. She is living her life too.

These summers belong to you as well.

So include yourself. And enjoy them. (the part which is enjoyable;))

Xx