3 signs that you’re not taking care of yourself properly (and how to change that)
If you aren’t living under a rock you’ve heard already million times how important self care is. We all know it IS important. I haven’t met yet any woman who would have said “No, selfcare is BS, I don’t think it’s important…” BUT
I’ve already heard though that “It’s over hyped” “It’s irrealistic” “It would be nice…”
So eventually we know it’s important but somehow it’s rare that we would be actually satisfied with the amount/type of self care we have in our lives. Here it becomes more interesting. The question is …
WHY is that we don’t have enough, proper self care in our lives?
“Are you kidding Eszter? WHY???? Because I Fcking have no moment to myself…and I’m so busy as a mom that it’s a miracle if I get to wash my hair!”… Bear with me. I hear you. I see you. Stay with me until the very end to change this.
Let me poke some holes in your firm belief that you don’t have TIME for yourself.
What is time? How much time do we have? How much time would you need to recharge here and there?
When your kid gets sick… somehow YOU MANAGE. That is not ideal.. and you’re juggling everything (I KNOW firsthand), but you still manage. When you add a family member… you manage. It’s not like you were bored and had loads of extra free time, but you adjust and figure out the new norm. When your loved one gets hospitalised, you re-prioritize everything and you’re running. (I know a bit extreme, but you get the point).
So let’s just entertain the thought, that lack of time is NOT the main problem.
So what IS?
We’ve been conditioned and socialized to:
serve others
put our family first (eventually ourselves and our needs last)
earn rest (simply resting is lazy)
So no wonder that we have some issues when it comes to Self Care.
Self Care sounds really great, but actually DOING it, planning for it, sticking to it… well, there it becomes tricky.
I’m talking about your personalized way of self care, as frequent as You need incorporated in your daily and weekly life.
I teach my clients how to have sufficient self care in their days so they can also give to others. You very well know the quote: “You can’t pour from an empty cup”
Self-care isn’t just some fancy, trendy expression. It’s about your WELL BEING. About you being able to live and not just survive.
By prioritizing self-care, you not only nurture yourself but also model healthy habits for your children, emphasizing the importance of self-love and personal well-being.
But first you need to decondition your brain from that old shit… that you somehow have to deserve it, earn it.. and you’ll when you…. (finished all tasks and serving)
So how to know (apart from obvious burn out and overwhelm) that you would need more Self Care?
Here are the 3 symptoms to look out for - signs that you need to look at how exactly and how often do you take care of Yourself:
You feel always tired, exhausted
You often feel frustrated, irritated and resentful
You often regret your actions and feel guilty after (yelling, arguments…)
When you’re not taken care of… when your nervous system is fried… it’s so easy to REACT, it’s so normal to NOT be able to gentle parent or to be a “fun mom”…
It’s not your fault.
It’s your brain’s main function to keep you alive, to preserve you.
Being always tired and exhausted is a sign that you try to do it all while running on empty
Frustration, Anger, Resentment are usually symptoms that you haven’t recharged for a while
Hasty actions, reactive mode usually indicate that your nervous system isn’t regulated, you are overloaded
See?
It’s NOT about that there is something wrong with you… That you would be a bad mom or and angry mom… it means you haven’t recharged for a while and your nervous system is all over the place.
When you prioritize your recharge time, you also make your best to BE your most patient, calm, fun version for your kids!
Self Care is no more or less but paying attention to your WELL BEING for the long term. Actually prioritizing your needs which are expressed in actions too.
When you expect yourself to do mothering good enough without taking care of yourself is just expecting a car to run on emtpy. It doesn’t work!
Do You need to drop some things in order to have time for yourself? Probably.
Do You need to be ok with asking for help, leaving the laundry or not having a spotless house? Yes, probably.
Do you need to learn how to drop guilt when you prioritize yourself? Most probably.
And it is OK. We need to break this cycle so we don’t give it further to our girls. It’s not a badge of honor to burn out in motherhood. Your kids need your whole, joyful version.
You can learn how to CREATE time for yourself… and how to handle guilt/deceptive brain massages when it comes to YOUR needs.
It’s up to you whether you think about Self Care as luxury, fancy trend, a nice to have… or rather choose to think about Self Care as an essential way of creating happiness in your life for You and for Your kid’s sake.
Let me know where exactly you run into any obstacles when it comes to your Self Care. I can help you. Book your free consult HERE and let’s create a motherhood journey which includes YOU too.
If you would love to hear more about this topic, listen to Why moms feel selfish about take care of themselves
Xx
Eszter