3 reasons behind feeling “not good enough”
I vividly remember when I was still on the hospital bed after delivery and I felt empty, tired. I thought it was simply due to the incredible exhaustion. But this weird feeling continued… and for me it turned into PPD. I was convinced I was not cut out for motherhood. I was simply… not a good enough mom.
When I talk about feeling “not good enough” I don’t talk about some little uncomfortable feeling. I don’t talk about a bit of insecurity which can be healed by some encouragement or a self-help book. I talk about THE “not good enough” feeling which sticks, which makes you second guess yourself, which pulls you down, paralyzes you that you’re Fcking up your kids’ childhood and spirals you down into anxiety.
That you’re never good enough… that whatever you’re doing you’re failing.
I know this feeling too well. I was convinced there was something wrong with me. Because all I wanted… was sleep, and my old life back. I was supposed to enjoy it… and I didn’t.
My client Rita came to me with this exact confession “I just don’t enjoy playing with him, I’m struggling in motherhood, I’m not cut out for this”
My other client Adrienne started our consult with “I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m going crazy just being at home with her. Maybe I’m not good enough for this”
…
Watch out! Most of the time these thoughts are hidden… you don’t even wanna admit them even to yourself. And that’s why they keep being so powerful.
That’s why I love seeing my (potential) clients bringing these nasty thoughts to the surface on the consult. Finally they SEE. Finally they can create the distance between these nasty thoughts and themselves.
Because the truth is:
There is surely NOTHING wrong with you. You ARE already a good enough mom.
Let me show you.
There are certain reasons WHY we don’t feel good enough. Honestly there are many reasons and therefore many angles to consider and to heal from these, thus I have my podcast named GOOD ENOUGH MOM. 😉 But.
Here are the top 3 reasons behind feeling “not good enough” to start with. When you understand these, “not good enough” won’t have the same power over you ever again.
1, You feel “not good enough” because you TRY so hard to do it RIGHT
Really bad moms? They don’t give a shit. The ones who you read about neglecting their kids, selling their kids… they don’t feel paralyzing guilt over mothering choices, they don’t feel “not good enough”. You do, because YOU CARE.
You care, you want the best for them, so you also want to be THE BEST MOM for them. You wanna do everything “right”, break the cycles, validate their feelings, being there for them, love them and do everything right. But don’t forget the important fact, that you’re also a HUMAN BEING with finite capacity, with limited energy and a nervous system which can be overstimulated. Of course you can’t do everything perfectly right all of the time. But it doesn’t make you a bad mom, simply a human one. You’re a good enough mom, who deeply cares and loves.
2, You feel “not good enough” because the expectation-list is crazy you’re comparing yourself to
You feel not good enough…. Compared to what? Compared to what can YOU define “not good enough”? - Go and listen to this episode of the Good Enough Mom Podcast HERE because it will help you dive deep into this.
The reality is that being a modern mother is HARD. We’re expected to be so many things all at once that it’s no wonder we’re drowning. We’re expected to be a 0/24 available stay at home mom of the 50’s in a 2026 working mom era who is also crashing it in her job. The expectation list is crazy long with often contradictory expectations, so don’t forget to check in with yourself what YOU ARE COMPARING YOURSELF to.
3, You feel “not good enough” because you only see the idealised standard and not who you truly want to be
When the idealised GOOD MOM image is pushed into your face, it’s easy to get discouraged and feel “not good enough”. You see the insta mommies enjoying slime and montessori toys. You see the pinterest mommies with perfectly clean houses, dusty rose decoration and well behaving toddlers. You see others enjoying it in a way which is out of reach for you, because all you experience is trying to do these all… just to feel even more exhausted and frustrated.
There is NO ONE RIGHT WAY of mothering. There is no ultimate ONE RIGHT way of being a mother.
You are their mommy. For a reason. You are their world. You are a good enough mom already.
In order to thrive in motherhood, you need to include YOU into that life too. Don’t try to squeeze yourself into a box which you don’t fit in. You don’t have to.
Feeling not good enough because your friend is enjoying so much more the babyphase than you?
Who do you want to be? Why are YOU already good enough the way you are?
Feeling not good enough because your friend stayed home while you’re already back to work?
We don’t see the whole picture. She truly can be fulfilled by her choice. And you can be too by yours. You can be simply a person who needs her job, the adult conversations, appreciation more…
Feeling not good enough because you stayed home with your baby, while you see others getting promotions?
Neither is better. It can be your way of balance to carve out this time. You’re not behind. You choose your way.
Feeling not good enough because you lose your shit so quickly during those tantrums?
You have a hot temperament. You’ve always been very passionate. You haven’t slept. You haven’t had proper selftime for ages… Whatever the reason… you should never compare yourself to others nor to the idealsied standard, but only to yourself.
I now LOVE being a mom. I love being their mother. It was not an easy journey, not a sudden bonding. I became the mom, who I am today.
And so can YOU.
You are already a good enough mom, trying to do her best.
Every and each client I have coached are amazing mothers struggling with the stupid expectations, old conditioning and that stupid box they wanted to fit in.
Ignore the box (or burn it down LOL)
Bring those nasty thoughts to the surface which make you feel “not good enough”
Decide who you want to be and only compare yourself to yourself
If you’re ready to decondition your brain and leave “not good enough” behind, I can help you to create your confident and joyful motherhood era. Book your free consult HERE and let’s see how I can help You.