Why Summer Holidays Feel Anything But a Holiday for Moms
(And What You Can Actually Do About It)
Can we talk about summer holidays for a second?
Because if you're a mom, it doesn't exactly feel like a holiday. (certainly not the whole summer)
It’s only the 4. (FOURTH!) day of the summer holiday and my patience has been tested a million times. Right now I’m writing this blogpost while my kids are destroying the house but I let them play by themselves. (that’s our deal now… they let me do some work and then after we will play together and they can watch TV;))
"Summer holidays are supposed to be relaxing."
For who? The reality feels Fckn different.
Because if you're a mom, the school holidays often feel like stepping into a full-time job... on top of the job you were already doing. A constant battle with time, trying to juggle everything while feeling more and more exhausted into the holiday.
The school run disappears, but so does the structure that gave your day some breathing room. Suddenly you're managing endless snacks, sibling arguments, "I'm bored!", days out, childcare, sunscreen, laundry that somehow triples, and trying to keep everyone happy while still keeping the household running.
If you've found yourself feeling more irritable, touched out, overstimulated or wondering why you haven't had five minutes to yourself, you're not imagining it.
You're carrying more than even you let yourself realise.
The Mental Load Doesn't Take a Holiday
Research consistently shows that mothers carry the majority of the invisible work in families. (thx patriarchy)
Studies have found that mothers spend significantly more time than fathers managing childcare, organising family life and handling household responsibilities. Khm… studies… AND our very raw experience.
Beyond the visible tasks there is the mental load—remembering appointments, planning meals, buying birthday presents, noticing the empty milk carton, booking dentist appointments, packing bags, checking the weather, replacing outgrown shoes, and constantly thinking three steps ahead.
Then summer arrives.
School closes. Routine disappears. The number of decisions you make each day skyrockets.
Now you're also answering:
What are we doing today?
Who's watching the children?
What are they eating?
How do I stop them fighting?
How do I keep them entertained?
Can I somehow still work?
When exactly am I supposed to shower?
No wonder it feels F impossible.
You're not simply "busy." Your brain is running hundreds of tiny projects simultaneously. (and this is YOUR holiday too, remember?)
You're Not Failing—it is too much alone
One of the biggest lies modern motherhood tells us is that if we're overwhelmed, we're simply not organised enough.
But the problem usually isn't organisation. It’s not simply time-management.
It's expectation.
We’re conditioned into believeing that being a good mom means
Carrying everything without complaint.
Keeping the house tidy.
Planning magical summer memories.
Being endlessly patient.
Cooking nutritious meals.
Working, but just a tiny bit.
Managing emotions.
Remembering everyone's needs.
Never needing anything yourself.
No human being can sustain that. It’s IMPOSSIBLE (insane)
Being a good mom doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself until there's nothing left. It means raising children with love while remembering that you are still a person too.
Why Self-Care Feels Impossible During Summer Holidays
This is where we become very frustrated. Juggling everything… feeling exhausted… and then HOW and WHEN to relax? What about US?
You've probably heard the advice:
"Just make time for yourself."
But how?
Waiting for a magical two-hour window where no one needs you usually doesn't work. It’s some fairytale with robot kids maybe.
The reality is that during the holidays, those big pockets of free time simply don’t exist.
That's why the goal isn't perfect self-care.
It's protecting small pieces of yourself before you want to run away. (apply what is applicable for your life situation, this is certainly not to add on your expectation list how you SHOULD do things)
Because here's the truth:
You don't earn rest by finishing everything. You deserve rest because you're human.
Small Changes That Lighten the Mental Load
You don't need a complete life overhaul.
Don’t underestimate the smallest shifts that make the biggest difference. Go through this list and listen to your body - where do you feel resistance, disbelief, hope, warmth? Which would you like to consider first?
Stop Being the Default Parent(at least not 24/7)
If another capable adult lives in your home, they don't need to "help" you.
They need to parent.
The children are not your solo project. (Sorry, not sorry) Yepp even if you’re a SAHM, the summer juggling is not only Your responsibility.
Stop Asking for Permission
Instead of saying "Can you watch the kids?"
Try saying "I'm going out for an hour at three. You're with the kids."
Or you can simply DISCUSS - “I want an hour today, when would you watch the kids?”
Let Your Children Be Bored
Children don't need a fulltime entertainer. They need love, safety and connection.
Boredom encourages creativity, problem-solving and independence. You don’t have to fill every minute of every day. (and yes screen time is OK too)
Lower the Standards Nobody Else Notices
Ask yourself honestly:
Would anyone remember if the towels weren't folded perfectly? If the kitchen was a mess?
If dinner was simple? (pizza, sandwich, whatever)
If the house looked lived in?
Many of the standards exhausting mothers aren't necessities. They're expectations we've quietly internalized.
You CAN let things go.
Stop Explaining Every "No"
You don't need a ten-minute justification for declining another playdate, party or family gathering.
"No" is a complete sentence. Every unnecessary yes often becomes another burden you carry alone.
Let Other People Feel the Consequences
If you always notice everything first...
...everyone else gets to stop noticing.
It's okay if someone else realises there is no toilet rolls…
It's okay if another adult has to remember the sunscreen.
Shared responsibility starts with shared awareness. (“If I’m not doing it, who the F is gonna do that” mentality keeps us stuck in this serving mode)
Put Yourself on the Calendar
Your coffee.
Your walk.
A brunch/evening with your friends.
Twenty minutes reading.
Ten quiet minutes before everyone wakes up or when it’s “siesta” time.
Treat your time like it matters. Because it does.
Ask Yourself One Powerful Question
Whenever another task lands on your shoulders, pause and ask:
"What would happen if I didn't do this?"
You'll be surprised how many things feel urgent simply because you've always been the one doing them.
Share the Invisible Jobs
It's not just washing dishes. It's noticing the dishwasher is loaded or not.
Not just making dinner. It's deciding what everyone will eat, checking what's in the fridge, writing the shopping list and remembering who suddenly refuses tomatoes this week.
The invisible work belongs to the whole family—not just MOM. (best if you start delegating with clear communication, or you can just let things explode;))
Who is responsible for what now that kids are at home and the decision making tripled?
Show Your Children What Healthy Adulthood Looks Like
Your children are always learning from you.
If they grow up seeing Mom never sits down... (I do remember exactly this 🙋♀️)
Never asks for help... (typical:( )
Never rests...
Always putting herself last...
They'll believe that's what adulthood looks like as a mom.(as a woman)
When you protect your own wellbeing, you're teaching them something far more valuable than constant self-sacrifice.
You Still Matter This Summer
Yes, the holidays are busy. Yes, they're noisy. Yes, there is a lot to juggle.
But you don't stop existing because school finishes. You still can F sit down and NOT do everything.
You deserve to laugh. To rest. To read a book. To drink your coffee while it's still hot.
Not because you've earned it. Because you're a human being.
This summer, stop waiting for life to magically calm down before taking care of yourself.
Protect the tiny moments. Share the load. Lower the impossible standards.
And remember this:
You were never meant to carry an entire family on your shoulders by yourself. It’s OK to push back on this old conditioning and start including YOURSELF into your life, yess even if it’s the messy summer holidays.
It’s not a a riot, it’s not ideas for conflict in your marriage. It’s simply ideas to empower YOU, so YOU feel less depleted alone and resentful which eventually IS the best for the whole family.
Take what makes you feel empowered and you feel the pull… and leave the rest.
ENJOY the summer (the part you can;)) and survive the rest;)!
I’m working less during the summer holiday, but I have a few openings coming up so make sure you book your free consult if you want to decondition this old shit and finally step up for yourself and what YOU need without guilt. Book your free consult HERE where you can have a taste what your life would feel like:)
Xx
Eszter