The Phrase That Keeps Mothers Stuck(& the antidote)
“It’s Just Motherhood”
Have you heard this comment?
What if the things you’ve been told to simply accept about motherhood are actually the very things you’re allowed to change?
There is a phrase mothers hear all the time:
“It’s just motherhood.”
You’re exhausted? - It’s just motherhood.
You haven’t slept properly in years?- It’s just motherhood.
You feel like you’ve disappeared somewhere along the way?- It’s just motherhood.
You miss your ambition. Your freedom. Your social life. Your body. Your confidence. Your old sense of self. -
It’s just motherhood.
And perhaps the most damaging part isn’t even the phrase itself. It’s how it makes you FEEL and ACT when you heard it often enough.
You stop asking whether things could be different.
You stop considering whether you actually want the life you’re living.
You stop giving yourself permission to want more.
And that can become one of the biggest invisible barriers to changing your experience of motherhood.
When “normal” becomes a reason not to change
There is a huge difference between saying: “This is common.”
and saying: “This is how it has to be.”
Many of the hardest parts of motherhood are actually pretty common.
Sleep deprivation is common.
Feeling overwhelmed is common.
Having less time for yourself is common.
Carrying an enormous mental load is common.
Putting your own needs last is common.
Feeling disconnected from your identity can be common.
But common doesn't automatically mean healthy, sustainable, inevitable or something you have to tolerate indefinitely.
And yet mothers are often given very little space to make that distinction.
Instead, we’re told:
“This is what motherhood is.”
“You’ll get used to it.”
“You wanted children.”
“They’re only little once.”
“This is just a season.”
“Enjoy it because you’ll miss it.”
And underneath all of these messages can be an unspoken expectation:
Don't complain. Don't question it. Just muscle through it.
The invisible gaslighting of motherhood
When a mom says, “I’m struggling,” she often isn't looking for someone to convince her that everything is fine.
She might need…. validation, a big hug, or at least appreciation of her experience.
But instead of curiosity, she can receive normalization.
"That's motherhood."
And when this happens repeatedly, something incredibly powerful can happen. (powerful and F dangerous)
She begins to question herself instead of questioning the situation.
Maybe I'm not grateful enough.
Maybe I'm selfish.
Maybe I'm expecting too much.
Maybe other mothers cope better.
Maybe I should be happier.
Maybe I'm the problem.
This is where shame and guilt can become incredibly effective at keeping us stuck.
Because if you believe the problem is you, you don't look for a different way of living. You try to become better at tolerating the life you already have.
What if you’re not failing at motherhood — what if your life needs changing?
This is a question I wish more mothers were encouraged to ask.
Not: “How can I become better at coping with this?”
But: “What if I don't actually have to keep coping with this?”
What if the exhaustion is telling you that something needs support?
What if your resentment is pointing toward an unmet need?
What if your loss of ambition isn't proof that you don't care about your children, but a sign that an important part of you has been waiting for attention?
What if wanting more doesn't make you ungrateful?
What if wanting your career back doesn't make you a bad mother?
What if wanting more freedom, connection, adventure, creativity, sex, rest, money, purpose or confidence doesn't mean you love your children any less?
You just want something… more… something different… something for YOU too.
What if you are allowed to want your life to feel good, too?
Motherhood doesn't have to be the place where your dreams go to die
Somewhere along the way, many women absorb the idea that becoming a mother means putting their dreams on hold. And sometimes that is exactly what a particular season requires.
But we rarely talk about the other question:
When does the sacrifice end?
When are you allowed to want your career again?
When are you allowed to build something of your own?
When are you allowed to feel sexy, confident, ambitious and alive?
When are you allowed to have dreams that aren't about your children?
Who decided that being a good mother requires you to want less from your own life?
Motherhood can change your priorities without erasing fully your identity. You can build a life where motherhood is part of who you are — not the only thing you are allowed to be.
Before you can change your life, you have to believe you’re allowed to want it to be different
This is the part we don't talk about enough. Sometimes the first step isn't creating a new routine. It isn't finding childcare. It isn't changing your career. It isn't asking your partner to do more. It isn't booking a holiday. It isn't even setting a boundary. Sometimes the first step is much smaller.
Admitting to yourself that you want something to change.
Because if you've spent years being told that your exhaustion, loneliness, loss of identity and lack of freedom are simply the price of being a mother, you may never have stopped to ask:
“Is this actually the motherhood I want?”
And you don't have to know the answer immediately. You just have to become willing to ask the question.
You get to create your own version of motherhood
There is no prize for suffering the most. There is no gold medal for being the most depleted mother in the room. And your children don't need a mother who has successfully erased herself.
They need you. The real you.
The woman who has
Desires
Opinions
Dreams
Boundaries
Ambitions
Needs
Joy
Curiosity
A life
A full complex personality with the whole range of feelings ;)
So the next time someone says,
“It’s just motherhood,”
you don't have to argue with them. I totally get if you do, or if you would send them to hell :D but… You can simply ask yourself:
“But does it have to be my motherhood?”
Because something being normalised doesn't mean you have to accept it. Something being common doesn't mean you have to live with it forever. And wanting your life to feel different doesn't make you a bad mother.
It might be the beginning of becoming a more fully alive version of yourself — while still being the mother you want to be.
Where in your life have you been telling yourself “It’s just motherhood” instead of asking “Is there another way?”
Maybe that's where your next change begins.
You don't need to earn permission to want more. You already have it.
If you’re ready to stop simply surviving motherhood and start reclaiming the woman, confidence, dreams and life that are still yours, come join us inside the Reclaimed Mom Collective.
This is where we do the deeper work — rewiring the beliefs, releasing the guilt, rebuilding your confidence, and creating a version of motherhood that doesn’t require you to lose yourself.
Lock in now your Founding Pricing - it’s insane I know 🩷 Join us now - HERE.
Xx
Eszter