You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
You've probably heard this quote before. But have you ever stopped to think about what it actually means for you as a mom?
Because the reality is… it matters A LOT.
What if the reason you keep putting yourself last isn't ONLY because you're a mother, have a million things to do and barely have time to finish your coffee while it's still hot?
What if part of the reason is that …THIS is all what you’ve seen.
Read till the end;), because this might change the way you look at your everyday life.
You're not just influenced by the people around you. You're absorbing their version of normal.
Think about your closest friends, your family, the mom group chats, the Instagram accounts you follow, the podcasts you listen to.
What are you constantly hearing?
Is it how exhausted everyone is?
How nobody has time for themselves?
How you should do 89079 things to develop your child?
How motherhood means sacrificing everything?
How their partners don't really help, but hey, that's just how men are?
How there's no room for your own dreams anymore because, well, you're a mom now?
And don't get me wrong. Motherhood IS hard. Some days are absolutely exhausting. We need to talk about it, vent about it, laugh about it and feel supported by women who get it.
I'm not here to tell you to surround yourself with toxic positivity and women who pretend everything is rainbows and unicorns.
Absolutely not!!! (I’m rather the opposite:D)
But here's where I want you to pay attention.
When the same story is repeated around you often enough, you start believing that this is just how life is supposed to be. (repetition=belief)
And that's where things get interesting.
Your brain is constantly learning what is normal from your tribe.
We're wired to belong. We naturally observe the people around us, pick up their habits, attitudes and beliefs, and adapt to the environment we're in.
It's part of being human!
We pick up on other people's moods. Have you ever spent time with someone who leaves you feeling completely depleted? And then there are those people you meet and suddenly feel more alive, inspired and energised?
That's not just a coincidence.
We also copy behaviours and adopt beliefs.
If all the women around you put themselves last, you start seeing that as normal.
If everyone is constantly talking about how impossible it is to have time for themselves, you start believing that there's no point even trying.
If every conversation about marriage is about how dads don't step up, how women carry the entire mental load and how that's simply what marriage looks like, you might start accepting things you wouldn't otherwise accept.
Your environment influences what you believe is even POSSIBLE for you.
Think about that for a second.
If everyone around you is living the same kind of life, following the same routines, having the same struggles and accepting the same limitations, how easy is it to imagine something different?
Not very. (F hard tbh)
Because your brain needs examples. It needs to SEE that something else is possible before it can start believing that it might be possible for you, too. (at least much easier for the brain)
The story I will never forget about normalising motherhood and marriage
I once had client telling me how alone she felt in her marriage, because …well… everything: kids and household was on her shoulders.
When she shared honestly and complained to her friends, they all called her out on that, pointing out that her husband was working and she should be rather grateful that she gets to be at home with her kids.
When she was simply saying what her real feelings were and that she would appreciate if her husband would take more at least during the weekend…
Her friends normalised “mother’s carrying it all, while the man works outside of the home”
And this is exactly my point. → She felt something, she shared and then she got that blaclash that she isn’t right.
Sometimes we're not just looking for support. We're looking for confirmation that what we're experiencing is normal.
If someone else is going through the same thing … then we don't have to question it.
But what if the thing you've accepted as normal is actually something you don't want to accept anymore?
What if you don't actually want to spend every weekend carrying the entire load?
What if you want a partner who parents alongside you?
What if you want time for yourself without having to justify it?
Just because something is common doesn't mean you have to make it your normal.
And I really want you to remember that.
What if your environment is shrinking your life without you even noticing?
How does it affect YOU?
Maybe you used to have dreams. Things you wanted to do, learn, create, experience.
Maybe you wanted to grow your career, start a business, travel more, feel confident in your body again, have hobbies, spend time with friends or simply enjoy a quiet coffee without feeling guilty about it.
And somewhere along the way (very early on or it somehow grew on you) those things started feeling unrealistic.
Not because you stopped wanting them.
But because the version of motherhood which is normalized doesn't seem to have space for them.
You see women who are exhausted, overwhelmed and constantly putting themselves last.
And slowly, you start thinking: Well, I guess this is life now.
But what if you started spending more time with women who are doing things differently?
Women who set boundaries.
Women who make time for themselves.
Women who are building businesses, changing careers, learning new things and pursuing their dreams.
Women who expect their partners to share the responsibility.
Women who don't make you feel selfish for having needs.
Women who remind you that you can be an incredible mother AND a fulfilled woman.
Imagine what that does to your brain.
Suddenly…
Having time for yourself doesn't seem impossible anymore.
Setting boundaries feels normal.
Having dreams outside motherhood feels normal.
Putting yourself back on your own priority list feels normal.
And perhaps the most beautiful part?
You stop feeling like you're asking for too much. Because you've finally seen that a different way of living is possible.
So, who are your five?
And here's something I really want you to think about.
The five people aren't necessarily just your five closest friends.
I truly believe they can also be the voices you listen to, the accounts you follow, the podcasts you play in your car, the online communities you're part of.
Where does your time and attention go?
Who are you allowing to influence your thoughts?
Who makes you feel seen, understood and inspired?
Who makes you feel like you need to shrink?
And most importantly:
How do you feel after spending time with them?
Do you feel more confident? More like yourself? More excited about what's possible?
Or do you feel depleted, guilty, inadequate or like you should just accept things as they are?
You don't need to ditch your friends. You don't need to stop loving people who are in a different place in life.
You can love your friends and still need a different conversation.
And you can also intentionally add new influences to your life.
Because sometimes you don't need another motivational quote or another book telling you to put yourself first. Sometimes you need to SEE other women doing it.
You need to hear their stories. Feel their energy. Be celebrated when you make a change. Be challenged when you slip back into old patterns.
You need to experience a different kind of normal.
This is exactly why I created the Reclaimed Mother Collective.
I wanted to create a community that becomes one of those positive influences in your life.
A place where we're normalising a different kind of motherhood.
Where having needs doesn't make you selfish.
Where choosing yourself isn't something you have to feel guilty about.
Where we're reconnecting with our bodies, our emotions, our confidence and the women we want to become.
Where we're ditching old patterns of mom guilt and overwhelm, expanding our possibilities and cheering each other on along the way.
A place where you can be a fierce mom AND a fulfilled woman.
Because imagine what could happen if THIS became your normal.
Imagine being surrounded by …
Women who don't question why you want more from life, but celebrate you for going after it.
Women who remind you that your life didn't stop when you became a mother.
Women who help you see possibilities you might not have even considered before.
That's the power of your tribe.
And that's the environment I want to create for you.
So, if there's a little voice inside you saying, "There must be more than this", listen to it.
You don't have to wait until the kids are older. You don't have to wait until life gets easier. And you certainly don't have to accept that losing yourself is simply part of motherhood.
You can choose a different environment. You can choose different influences. You can choose to grow.
And you don't have to do it alone.
❤️ Come and join us inside the Reclaimed Mother Collective HERE.
I cannot wait to welcome you inside.
Because the woman you become in motherhood is worth being intentional about.
Xx
Eszter