How people pleasing makes you exhausted during Holidays
Christmas is approaching. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. But. It also comes with extra todos, events and additional mental load. That is tiring. Do you already feel tired?
No wonder. Me too. The grey weather doesn’t help, nor the fact the kids have again 2 full weeks of holiday so I try to squeeze in more beforehand. (not even talking about the school emails and events coming up)
Today I want to help you to prepare for the Holidays so this year finally you don’t only fall under the tree or survive the Holidays, but actually can ENJOY it and can REST too.
How daring, right?:D
Let’s start with why mothers feel even more exhausted around the Holiday period? (I mean the prep phase AND the festive period itself)
We often feel more exhausted around the holidays, because the season adds more invisible labor—emotional, mental, and logistical—on top of what we usually do.
1. The Mental Load Triples
Holiday planning (gifts, meals, travel, events) falls disproportionately on mothers.
We keep track of everyone’s expectations, schedules, traditions, and emotional needs.
2. Extra Domestic Work
More cooking, more cleaning, more laundry, more mess, more guests.
There is no gathering without additional work…
3. Emotional Load & Family Dynamics
Managing children’s excitement and dysregulation.
Navigating extended family expectations, conflicts, and pressure to “keep everyone happy.”
4. Disrupted Routines
Kids are off school.
Bedtimes shift.
Sleep patterns worsen.
Routine anchors that give us breathing room disappear.
5. Less Personal Time
Everyone else gets a “holiday,” but it rather seems that we often get more work, not less.
Rest becomes last priority, we simply can’t squeeze metime in
Going through this list…. how do you feel? Even more tired? Exhausted?
Why do we do these then?
Becuase we WANT to create this magic for our loved ones
Because this is expected from us, and we’re good girls doing the “right” thing
I don’t want to hinder you in anything you LOVE doing, so just go on and create as much magic as you want:)
I want to help you with the second. How you can drop a huge portion of the load… which comes from… PEOPLE PLEASING.
People pleasing is a very deeply rooted conditioning in us. We have to serve others, to be liked by others and act as THE good girl who is silent, smiling and makes everyone else comfortable. (notice those patterns! we can change them)
We have this very deep need to be liked so we please others. THIS is NOT a problem. Only sociopaths don’t care about others, and about being liked.
Our brain is wired to want to be the part of the tribe= want to be liked.
The problem is when people pleasing is overwriting our own needs and wants.
That is Fcking draining our energy.
Think about how F exhausting it feels to
monitor every guests’ needs
ride the conversation to avoid certain topics
over-explain your kids’ needs so aunties don’t get upset
apologize over and over for not letting relatives hold/kiss your baby
say YES to every invitation
change/manipulate your kids’ schedule to fit invitations
monitor your own parenting style to avoid judgments
do everything as you SHOULD - baking everything yourself, keeping a flawless home to avoid criticism
How does people pleasing come up for YOU?
Which gathering do you say YES to, just because you SHOULDN’T disappoint them…?
Which relative do you visit, just because you SHOULD?
Which party do you attend during naptime, just because that’s the family tradition?
Your wants matter. Your needs matter. You matter.
It’s OK to say NO.
It’s OK to create your own family traditions.
It’s OK to pay attention to yourself too and simply sit down without guilt.
And now you ask… yes Eszter, but how to deal with THEM after saying no… after pushing back… after standing up for my needs?
You have to learn how to feel that uncomfortable emotion. Every emotion is simply a vibration in our body. They pass in 90 secs (unless you keep entertaining them).
It really starts with You being confident in your choices, having your own back and letting others feel their own emotions. It’s not your task to manage THEIR emotions (disappointment)
Read this earlier blogpost about how to deal with others’ opinions or THIS which is kinda close to that LET THEM theory.
It’s a not about pissing others off on purpose or creating conflicts left and right. It’s about honoring yourself and including YOUR wants and needs too in the Holidays.
It’s OK to not go to every gathering.
It’s OK to say NO to invitations.
It’s OK to let the house be a mess and rather sit down to rest.
For a few years now we have spent the Christmas days at home, just the 4 of us, chilling, enjoying the Holidays. 🎄 (yes I’m cooking, baking, wrapping presents and do loads… but all which I LOVE and not from MUST)
After that, we travel to visit family. AND… I love seeing relatives IF we happen to meet somehow during those few days but I DON’T overload our calendar and don’t organise meetups just because we SHOULD.
I’ve heard several times “Oh I thought you already forgot me…” when calling, or the passive agressive comments about how “we never have time for THEM”… but these are to be expected. It’s Ok.
I still choose not to overload our calendar so I don’t come back in the New Year fully wiped out.
Do you feel triggered by a certain situation?
Do you fear a certain conflict?
Do you have a hard time saying NO to a certain person?
Let’s rewire that in your brain. We have less than 4 weeks until Christmas.
I’ve limited free spots, first come first serve. So JUMP in and book your free consultation HERE so we can wire in more confidence and peace and you can finally truly enjoy this holiday season the way YOU want.
Xx
Eszter