You’re Not Unmotivated — 5 Reasons Mothers Struggle With Goals

Happy New Year!:)
Everyone is talking about big goals, making New Year’s Resolutions… and we moms just feel grateful that we survived the holiday season. If you feel rather overwhelmed and exhausted even just thinking about goal-setting, then this blogpost is for YOU.

“I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

I’ve heard this sentence sooooo many times. For so many mothers, this quiet thought sits beneath the surface of daily life — between school runs, mental load, and the constant putting of everyone else first.

Goal setting, once exciting or motivating, can suddenly feel overwhelming, selfish, or even pointless. If you’ve found yourself avoiding goals altogether or feeling afraid to name what you want, you’re not failing — you’re responding to the realities of modern motherhood.

In this post, we’ll explore why it’s completely normal for mothers to feel disconnected from their desires, how expectations and exhaustion shape our relationship with goals, and why understanding this is the first gentle step toward reconnecting with yourself again.

Don’t be afraid I’m NOT going to suggest HOW to jump into big goals right away or make you run a marathon or to pressure you into anything you don’t want.

I want YOU to see what’s truly behind this selfsabotage… why you might feel that you don’t know what you want… and why THIS is the first step actually to create the desired change in your life.

You first need to allow yourself to want things.

But it can feel rather overwhelming when your brain tells you you don’t know what you want… or how to start.

Understanding these 5 reasons underneath will help you to actually start again with ease and excitement - without pressure.

GOAL- setting is not about HUGE things or what others want you to do

Goal-setting is simply allowing yourself to want (specific) things and having the seed of belief that you can have that

5 Hidden Reasons Mothers are stuck when it comes to Goal Setting:

1. The false narrative of motherhood

   There are 2 false narratives coming into our faces left and right and neither of them is helping with our dreams and goals (and neither of them is true;))

   1) “You’re a super mom - your life continues as before, simply you now have a baby on top. Go for your dreams. You can do ANYTHING. You can have it ALL.”
   You’re standing there with your specific life circumstances - with colic baby, with a husband who always travels, with zero grandparent support, with PND, with PPA, with identity crises, with sleep deprivation…. and feel like sh*t, like you were punched in the face…. Because you just don’t feel it’s true for You. So the problem must be you if you don’t feel this energy or excitement… and this makes it IMPOSSIBLE to want things or set any goals, you rather don’t even try.

   2) “You chose this. Now accept it. You’re a mom now so you can’t go on as before. A good mom is selfless, just suck it up” And then dare to set goals… dare to want things outside of motherhood…:/
   
   It’s not easy to know what you want when you’re condemned for every choice. The truth is in the golden middle. Let yourself figure out what YOU want when you drop these narratives.
   Your life turned upside down when you became a mother, it’s OK to recreate yourself and your life in motherhood, the way YOU want.

2. You don’t connect with what YOU want, but see GOALS as what you SHOULD want

   When the expectation list is crazy long AND is pushed into our face from everywhere, it IS actually not that easy to figure out what YOU truly want.
   - Do you really want to get back in shape or is this the external pressure to bounce back?
   - Do you really want to go back to work or you SHOULD?
   - Do you really want to learn the montessoriXYZ ways or is it the instamommies you saw?
   …
   You need to connect with your true-desires, with your inner self and be able to ignore the SHOULDs.
   

3. Your human brain doesn’t want change

   
   The human brain is wired to keep us alive. Our brain doesn’t want big goals or big changes… Change is actually F scary for the brain because it means uncertainity. It means energy investment. So your brain will happily tell you why you’re not ready… why it won’t work for You… why you don’t have the time or energy for it.
   So you don’t even try. So you stay where you are.
   
   Know how your brain works and don’t believe all your automatic thoughts.
   

4. The school-system and old programming

   
   Think about how the oldschool school-system and our upbringing put us into a lane. (preferably with blinders so you don’t even look anywhere outside of your lane)
   You start school, then pick a highschool… then a college/university at the age of ~18 (!!) so you have to choose who you want to be before your brain is even fully developed. Then the cultural pressure is there to get married and have kids (because you’ll expire you know… so hophop) and then balance it all. (and then retire and die)
   
   But what if… you don’t enjoy being a lawyer anymore…
   What if becoming a mom actually made you realize you don’t want to be in corporate anymore working 12+ hours a day?
   What happens then?
   - How to DREAM about career change when your brain is programmed to follow the rules and BE what your degree says you are…?
   - How to set a goal of becoming who you want to be, when you were never encouraged to think this freely?
   - How to believe in your goals when you were never encouraged to dream big or think creatively?
   
   The problem is NOT you. There is a lot to get rid of… and to decondition in our brain:)
   

   1. You want the HOW before the WHO

      
      You may have already evidence that you just can’t… you can’t reach your goals, so now you better don’t even try. It’s so normal… it’s self-preservation. You don’t want to feel disappointed again.

      But the problem is NOT you. The problem is not your motivation. The problem is not your capabilities.

      The problem is that you didn’t do it right. (because you didn’t know better, it’s NOT your fault)
      
      ->You tried 3 diets and they didn’t work so you come to the conclusion that “diets don’t work for you” or “you can’t lose weight”…
      ->You wanted a promotion at work, but didn’t get it so now you believe “I can’t be successful as a mother” “I won’t ever get further in my career”
      -> You wanted to gentle parent and stay calm but again lost your sh*t, and now you believe “I just can’t gentle parent” “I just can’t stay patient”

      Watch out… because your brain is happily using all this evidence to BE RIGHT so you don’t even try. Your brain is not a bitch, it only wants you to be safe and where you are.
      
      - The real problem is that you’re trying to lose weight while you’ve the underlying belief that you can’t.
      - The real problem is that you wan’t to get promoted but you don’t believe you’re that person who actually gets it.
      - The real problem is that you want to gentle parent but you believe that you’re a hot tempered person who can’t stay calm.
      

      The fastest way to your goals is to become the person who IS already having it.

      The problem is NOT you. These 5 points are the reasons why you might feel stuck and hesitant to goal setting.

      The fastest and most efficient way of creating what you want in your life is with the help of your unconscious, where you drop the self-sabotage, can connect with what YOU truly want and program in new habits which will inevitably create the change you want.

      
      If you feel the pull - let’s have real change this time - book your free consultation HERE and let’s chat.

      I’m hosting a new workhop at the end of January (2026) where we create the space to become that person who IS having that goal already. We’ll use our unconscious power and hypnosis to set things into motion.💫 Email me for details.
      No rush, no FOMO, no pressure… just a magical workshop at the END of January to reconnect with your goals.