How MATRESCENCE can take away the pressure
When you look up MATRESCENCE in the dictionary you’ll find that it is:
the process of becoming a mother
Those physical, psychological and emotional changes you go through after the birth of your child now have a name: matrescence.
The process of becoming a mother, which anthropologists call “matrescence has been largely unexplored in the medical community.
Yepp. Unexplored. I haven’t even heard this word until about 3 years ago. Even though I’m a mom. Even though I’m a mom coach supporting moms.
Matrescence
Your unique journey of BECOMING a mother
It’s simply curious why this super important period hasn’t been deeper explored, why mothers still feel shame and face criticism when they experience
post partum depression
post partum anxiety
post partum rage
intrusive thoughts
struggles with BECOMING a mom
difficulties FEELING like themselves
MATRESCENCE is the answer. Becoming a mother isn’t happening in a second, it doesn’t happen with giving birth either, becoming a mother is a PROCESS, which can’t be rushed.
It’s unique to YOU. It is YOUR journey.
We’re not pushing kids either to go through adolescence under X years… so why do we push women to become their next versions in motherhood in an instant?
I remember that I felt soooooo lost. I was lying on the hospital bed, with her next to me and I kept on thinking that I just made the biggest mistake of my life. (Well, that was the first sign of PPD for me, but it’s very common to think those thoughts now I know. Then I felt terrible and ashamed) I couldn’t bond with her, I felt exteremly exhausted and the expected rush of love didn’t come.
>> I kinda thought that with giving birth the sky will part, the angels will sing, I’ll forget all the hardships and I’ll sink into the pink love-bubble with my cute baby.<<
I didn’t think those consciouly though 😁 I was just simply disappointed that I didn’t feel relieved, I didn’t feel endless joy, I didn’t feel what I was SUPPOSED to feel.
Wait a minute… What exactly are we supposed to feel?
That’s the biggest problem. When we don’t normalize talking about matrescence as a PROCESS then we’re left with all the expectations how a mom SHOULD feel, be, do…
A mom should just know what to do
A mom should feel that unconditional love right away
A mom should bond with her baby right away
A mom should just click a switch and become her next version
A mom should just forget about her “old-life” and feel comfortable in the “new”
A mom should just simply stop being a human and serve 24/7 tireslessly
…
MATRESCENCE isn’t supported when you face all the mile-long expectations (read my blogpost about the expectations HERE) while you would just try to figure out who you are and what’s going on in this new chapter.
I hear so often from my clients:
“I just don’t know who I’m anymore”
“ I feel like I completely lost myself”
“I don’t even know honestly what I want”
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Becoming a mother changes us, it changes everything!
It’s OK to feel lost
It’s OK to question things
It’s OK to grieve your old life
It’s OK to not bond with your baby right away
It’s OK to have “stupid thoughts” which are automatically popping up in your head
It’s OK to take your time and let yourself figure out motherhood and yourself
It’s OK to not feel confident in motherhood right away
It’s OK to not know (yet)
It’s OK to not to be OK
It’s OK to not enjoying motherhood 24/7…
What is NOT OK is to pressure yourself… that you SHOULD already… that you should FEEL it, that you SHOULD know it… that you should be grateful and happy all of the time.
Take your time.
Your matrescence is your unique process. You’ll figure out who you are, you’ll be your better and stronger version. But don’t break it by pressuring yourself, by trying to be “the good mom” right away by complying with all the stupid expectations.
Becoming a mom can not only make us feel lost, but it is also the opportunity to recreate ourselves.
Understanding that matrescence is a PROCESS can take away the pressure, that you SHOULD…. already… that you’re doing something wrong if you don’t…. that you’re not cut out for motherhood if you don’t feel right away that unconditional love and maternal instincts in every cell of your body.
MATRESCENCE can be the process for you to become your better, stronger version where you recreate youself and your life. You stop living your life according to others’ expectations. You set your boundaries, stand up for yourself and for your child… you recreate your life with this new confidence and awareness.
It can take time. And it is OK.
I now LOVE being a mom. I adore my kids and it was one of my best decisions in my life to become a mother. It took me time to actually FEEL this good in my identity. And it’s OK. I had a lot of support though;)
If you want support to go through matrescence with more tools and confidence then I’m here for you. I created my 1:1 Mom Recharged program exactly for this. Based on my own bumpy experience and hours of coaching… I created this program to help You RECREATE yourself in motherhood. Book your free consultation HERE and let’s find out whether it is for you.
Our human brain is funny and won’t help you in the process if you leave it unsupervised. (those intrusive thoughts? automatic sentences in your brain…) The F up expectations will also make this journey longer and more painful. (still questioning yourself, feeling insecure and anxious? -> the habituated patterns are running our lives)
If you feel the pull, it’s time to decondition your brain, become aware of all the SHOULDs in your life and CREATE your experience the way You want. I’m happy to be your support.
Xx